Everyone has personal belongings such as wedding photographs, a baseball glove, or a yellow pie plate. These items hold meaning for them and for other family members. Paring down and transferring such items is inevitable when a family member moves or dies. This issue affects families regardless of their financial assets, heritage, or cultural background.
It is an issue that affects everyone.
How you may be affected
The issue of passing on personal property is often assumed to be unimportant or an issue that it takes care of itself. The experiences of family members and attorneys suggest otherwise. Decisions about personal belongings — also known as non-titled property — are often more challenging than decisions about titled property or financial assets and may lead to family disagreements.
Decisions to pass on personal possessions are made within the context of long, complex, and sometimes complicated relationships typically among a variety of family and friends. Inheritance decisions can have powerful consequences for siblings, parents, in-laws, step-siblings, spouses from remarriages, domestic partners, same-sex partners, adopted children, and others who consider themselves family or friends. Such decisions involve dealing with the emotional and potential financial value connected to objects accumulated over a lifetime and across generations of family members.
Who gets personal property is an issue often ignored until a crisis occurs. Decision-making becomes more challenging and sensitive when people are grieving, selling the home they grew up in, or facing the increased dependence of an elder.
Few individuals have planned ahead regarding who should get what personal belongings. When there is no will, or no separate listing identifying the wishes of the property owner, family members are left with many dilemmas and decisions regarding the passing on of personal possessions. What are the "pie plates" in your life? Are you prepared for the challenges?
What Is Non-Titled Property?
Non-titled property is a term referring to personal items without a legal document (such as a title or deed) to indicate who officially owns the item. These personal possessions may have monetary worth, or they may be cherished primarily for their sentimental value. Non-titled property can include such items as:
- Furniture.
- Dishes.
- Pets.
- Collections.
- Sporting equipment.
- Photographs.
- Books.
- Family documents.
- Linens and needlework.
- Musical instruments.
- Guns.
- Jewelry.
- Tools.
- Toys.
Six factors to consider
Research has identified six key factors to think about as you plan for the transfer of your own personal property, or as you work with family members or legal representatives to plan the transfer of property of someone who has already died.
- Understand the sensitivity of the issue of transferring non-titled property. Read a family story: Personal Belongings Can Trigger Sensitive Memories and Feelings.
- Determine what you want to accomplish in the transfer. Read a family story: Identify Your Goals for a More Successful Process.
- Decide what is "fair" in the context of your family. Read a family story: People Differ Over What Is a Fair Process and Outcomes
- Understand that belongings have different meanings for different individuals. Read a family story: Learn What Objects Have Meaning to You and to Others.
- Consider distribution options and consequences. Read a family story: Consider Distribution Options and Consequences as You Plan.
- Agree to manage conflicts if they arise. Read a family story: Learn Skills That Will Help You Manage Conflicts.
Use one of these quick assessments to see if you are prepared.
Planning for the transfer of personal belongings is a challenge facing owners and, potentially, family members and personal representatives of the estate (the estate executors) who may be left to make decisions when a family member dies. Most people play one or more roles during their lives. To help you decide if you are prepared for the challenges you may be facing, take one of the assessments below related to your current or expected roles.
As a property owner, are you prepared to pass on your personal property as part of the inheritance process? Here's a list to help you think about the challenges you and your family may be facing.
Which of the following statements apply to you?
- I need to learn what belongings are important to others and why.
- I'm not sure how to make fair decisions about belongings.
- I need more information about different strategies for passing on belongings.
- I have given this some thought, but have no specific plans in writing.
- I have a will but it contains no specific instructions about my personal belongings — just a general statement such as "Divide my personal possessions equally among my children."
- I have important keepsakes or family heirlooms but have not written down their history or significance.
- I have a plan for passing on my personal belongings, but I worry that my wishes will not be carried out.
- I want to get my affairs in order because I have a serious illness or health condition.
- I need to prepare for a move to a smaller home, apartment, nursing home, or assisted living facility.
- I expect disagreements about who should get what.
- I've found it hard to start conversations with my family about inheritance and death.
As a child or other potential property recipient, how do you know if your family is prepared to pass on personal property as part of the inheritance process? Here's a list to help you think about the challenges you and your family may be facing, especially as you deal with aging parents or parents-in-law, or as you cope following a death.
Which of the following statements apply to you?
- My family has not discussed what belongings have meaning for us and why.
- My family has discussed who will get what, but no specific plans have been written.
- My family member (especially a parent or parent-in-law) has a will but it contains no specific instructions about personal belongings — just a general statement such as "Divide my personal possessions equally among my children."
- There are important keepsakes or family heirlooms but no one has written down their history or significance.
- My family member has a plan for passing on belongings, but I worry that his or her wishes will not be carried out.
- I expect disagreements about who should get what.
- I've found it hard to start conversations with my family about inheritance and death.
- I'm not sure how to make fair decisions about belongings.
- I need more information about different strategies for passing on belongings.
- My family member needs to get his or her affairs in order because of a serious illness or health condition.
- My family member needs to prepare for a move to a smaller home, apartment, nursing home, or assisted living facility.
When someone prepares a will, they will often appoint a person to represent them after their death. This role is called a "personal representative" or "executor." Family members, especially adult children, are often appointed as the personal representative or executor.
If you know you have been (or expect to be) appointed as a personal representative or executor, how do you know if you are prepared to carry out the instructions in the will and assist in settling the estate? Here's a list to help you think about the challenges you may be facing regarding personal possessions.
Which of the following statements apply to you?
- The will I am responsible for contains no specific instructions about personal belongings, or just a general statement such as "Divide my personal possessions equally among my children."
- I know verbal promises have been made and there are expectations about who will get what, but no specific plans have been put in writing and referred to in the will.
- I know there are important keepsakes or family heirlooms in the estate, but no discussion has taken place and no plans have been made for these items.
- I expect disagreements about who should get what.
- Family and friends may not respect the deceased person's wishes that I am responsible for carrying out.
- I'm not sure how to make fair decisions about belongings.
- I will need more information about different strategies for passing on belongings.
- My siblings (or other family members) may resent that I was named executor and question my motives or actions.
As a caring professional, you may be helping someone to pass on personal property as part of the inheritance process. Whether you are a senior housing manager, funeral director, elder law attorney, estate planner, community educator, grief counselor, social worker, member of the clergy, or other professional assisting a property owner or family, the question to ask is this: Are you prepared? Here's a list to help you think about the challenges you may be facing.
Which of the following statements apply to you?
- I'm not sure how to help my client decide on a fair way to divide belongings.
- To really assist clients I need more information about different strategies for distributing personal property.
- My client has a will but it contains no specific instructions about personal belongings — just a general statement such as "Divide my personal possessions equally among my children."
- Teaching clients about personal property inheritance is a useful service I could provide.
- I know my client has important keepsakes or family heirlooms but no one has written down their history or significance.
- My client has a plan for passing on belongings, but I worry the family will not carry out his or her wishes.
- I often find my clients and their family members disagreeing about who should get what.
- I need to motivate my client to plan in advance how her or his personal property will be transferred.
- My client needs to get his or her affairs in order because of a serious illness or health condition.
- My client needs to prepare for a move to a smaller home, apartment, nursing home, or assisted living facility.
- I've found it hard to start conversations with my client and my client's family about inheritance and death.
- I am spending too much time mediating family misunderstandings and conflicts over personal possessions.
Reviewed in 2018