Talking to your kids about technology
Technology is everywhere, and it changes quickly. As parents and caregivers, we want to help our young people become responsible digital citizens and have a healthy relationship with technology and social media use, but it’s hard.
Here are some tips for supporting your child’s technology and social media use at different ages, understanding what they’re doing online, and talking with them about technology and social media use.
0 to 5 years old
Young children want to watch videos and play games.
Even though your young child may not be using social media, it’s never too early to help them develop good technology use habits.
What are the current guidelines for children’s screen use?
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no screen time for children until 18 to 24 months, except for video chatting, and limiting screen time to an hour or less per day for kids ages 2 to 5.
How do I manage my children’s screen time when they’re still so young?
Take an active role in your child’s screen time. For example, set up parental controls to filter inappropriate content, watch the screen with your child, as they get older start talking about what they’re seeing, and guide them toward age-appropriate content.
How do I talk to my young child about screen time?
Here are some ideas to start a conversation:
- Tell me about what you liked most about what we just watched.
- What was the character doing?
- Why do you think they did that?
My child throws a tantrum when I take the iPad away, what should I do?
The sudden shift of turning off screens can be hard for young children.
- Prepare children in advance, for example, by letting them know they can watch one episode of a show.
- Give children a 5-minute warning before turning the screen off or set a timer so they can see how much time is left. Even if they can’t tell time yet, you can use a visual timer or let them know when the timer gets to all zeros the screen will go off.
- Find short shows or videos that prevent having to stop in the middle of an episode.
Be consistent with these rules. It may be hard at first but your child will learn what to expect.
How should I use technology in front of my children?
If a phone call or text is urgent, let your child know. This helps them understand how, why, and when you use your phone.
Talk about your own technology use. For example, saying, "I’m checking the weather for our walk," helps your child understand how and why you use technology.
Establish regular screen-free times, such as meals, outdoor play, or bedtime. These are times when both you and your child put devices away. If your child is not following the rules, let them know. And if you’re not following the rules, your child should let you know.
How can I practice digital safety?
Be intentional before “sharenting.” This means not posting anything about your kids that you don’t want to be available forever. Do you, or will your child, want their baby photos out in the world for anyone to see? Developing good technology habits when your kids are young can reduce stress later.
We teach our toddlers the importance of washing their hands before eating. Technology also requires teaching and modeling safety skills. For example, teach children not to click on pop-ups or unfamiliar links, and talk with them about not sharing personal information with strangers online.
6 to 12 years old
During middle childhood, your child may start asking for their own devices like tablets, gaming consoles, or smartphones.
They may also want to create their own social media accounts. Keep in mind that the quality of the media your child is exposed to is more important than the type of media they use or the amount of time they spend online. Talk with your child about how to identify high-quality content. Set clear and consistent rules about what they can do online.
Keep talking with your child
- Technology doesn’t always interfere with communication. When used with your child, it can strengthen your relationship. For example, family movie nights and playing video games together can strengthen your relationship. It can be a way to connect and start a conversation without simply asking, What did you do at school today? (which doesn’t typically lead to a conversation).
- Show your child that you think it’s important to have tech-free time by staying off your phone during family meals and other activities.
- Set clear rules for both parents and children by establishing family guidelines together. For example, maybe there are no screens after 8 p.m. or only an hour of gaming online with friends on school nights.
- Here are some ways to start a conversation: "Can you teach me how to play that game you like?" “What’s a good time for us to all put our phones down and do something together as a family?" “It’s important for us to have some rules about screen time. What sort of rules do you think are important?” “Do you think everything in this video is real or true? How can we find out?”
How do I establish and communicate boundaries?
- Teach your child about online privacy and consent. For example, ask your child, “May I take a photo of you with your birthday gift to send to grandma?”
- Talk with your children about online safety, such as asking before tagging a friend or sharing where they are. Explain why some choices, like sending or posting personal information, can be dangerous. It’s never too early to start talking about cyberbullying and not sharing nude or other inappropriate pictures.
- Meeting someone online is not the same as meeting them in person. Having a virtual interaction with someone doesn’t mean you know them; they are still a stranger. It is easy to pretend to be someone else and give out fake information online.
- Talk about how to recognize misinformation, clickbait (designed to get you to click on content that looks exciting), and scams. Teach them to think about the source of the information and question how trustworthy it is. Use fact-checking tools, verify the source, and find other sources that confirm what you found.
- Be sure your child knows who they can talk to about what they are seeing online.
- Ask your kids what the rules are at school. Review any online safety information provided by your kids’ schools or activities.
- It’s normal for kids to make mistakes with technology. When they do make a mistake, talk with them without any judgment and use it as a chance to help them learn and make a different choice next time.
13 to 17 years old
During the teen years, youth are affected by technology in different ways than when they were younger.
Scrolling online can activate the reward system in the brain and lead to excessive technology use. Many teens are also using social media and reporting that they are online almost constantly. This frequent use can have a positive impact on mental health, but can also have a negative impact.
Should I let my teen navigate screen time on their own?
Your teen may prefer to navigate screens on their own, but parenting is still important. Work with your teen to manage their social media and technology use. Involve your teen in setting rules and expectations. Explain how healthy technology use can help with focus, strengthen relationships, and improve mental health. Technology use that exposes youth to dangerous others or inappropriate content can hurt their self-esteem and mental health.
There are many examples of family tech planners online that could help you set up guidelines together. Common Sense Media is one resource.
Take the time to listen and understand your teen’s experiences using social media and technology. Avoid simply “spying” on your teen, for example, by searching their phone without telling them.
Ask about their favorite social media, game, app or online community. Ask with curiosity and a desire to learn more, not to judge their choices. This will create trust and openness.
Here are some ways to start a conversation:
I know that social media is important to you. I wanted to check in about it.
How do you think things are going with your social media use?
How do you feel when you are using technology? What makes you feel that way?
How can I help my teen establish healthy habits with technology?
Try putting away phones and tablets, turning off notifications, or using focus apps. StayFree and Forest are just two examples of apps that are designed to help you stay focused and track your time online.
Ask your teen how they think setting screen limits helps them stay focused on homework or when out with friends.
Talk with your teen about what they’re posting online. Remind them that what they see online is not real life. People choose what to share online and take pictures that make everything look exciting.
What should my teen know about privacy, consent, and risky behavior?
Talk with your teen about recognizing spam emails, websites, misinformation, deep fakes, AI and other misleading content. When we look for information online, we should ask ourselves: Is the information timely and relevant to what you need? What is the source of the information, and how reliable and trustworthy is it?
Encourage your teen to talk to you if they see anything online that makes them uncomfortable. This could include cyberbullying, sexual content, or content that is violent or threatening. Talk with your teen about how to block or report users and content.
Go through social media privacy settings with your teen. Use this opportunity to talk about online safety and privacy practices, like using strong and unique passwords and setting social media accounts to private.
Have your teen show you the apps they are using and how they and their friends are using them.
Model the habits you expect from your teen and provide guidance.
Reviewed in 2025