Arguing isn’t the answer: Navigating conflict with style

It's time! Welcome participants into the space and create a welcoming environment. If the group is not familiar with each other, do a round of introductions. Try using a fun question to help people learn more about each other. 

For example, what is a favorite TV show, movie, or book that you go back to again and again?

Mindfulness technique — Belly Breathing

Today we will practice belly breathing, which encourages us to think about breathing deeply rather than the shallow "shoulder breaths" we often take.

1. Sit comfortably in your chair.
2. Place one hand on your stomach.
3. Exhale and let your belly stretch out.
4. Now take a full breath and feel your hand move as your belly expands filling with air.
5. Hold that breath for five seconds and release for three.
6. Repeat with three more breaths.

What is one word that you would use to describe conflict within your group or organization?

Ask everyone to reflect on this and then either share around the room, or have people write down their word and post it on a larger piece of paper or wall.

After reviewing the signs, pause the recording and have a discussion. Try these questions:

• Are there other signs that you think should have been included?
• What is the hardest sign for you to identify when working with a team?
• Is there a sign that you avoid because it is uncomfortable?

Task conflict

A healthy form of conflict that is focused on the content, ideas, or problem at hand.

Relationship conflict

Hinders performance and impacts relationships because it is conflict that pits people against people.

There are four primary levels of conflict:

Interpersonal conflict

When two individuals have different goals or approaches.

Intrapersonal

A level of conflict that takes place within ourselves and is often hard to recognize or diagnose.

Intergroup conflict

The competition between two groups or teams within the same organization. This can be a disagreement, competition over resources, or differences in goals and interests.

Intragroup

A conflict between two individuals who are in the same group or team. This can be beneficial when managed well because it can lead to progress towards goals.

The Conflict Management Survey is a resource that you can use to assess your own teams and committees. We encourage you to print or electronically share a copy with your participants.

Do an activity: If you are meeting with an established team or committee, ask members to complete this survey to check the health of the team. Give participants 10 minutes to answer the questions on the survey. 

— OR —

If this is not an established group, ask individuals to think of a group, team, or committee they are on and answer the questions provided.

Discuss your results using any or all of the questions below:

• What is an area where you feel the committee/team is managing conflict well?
• What area or areas can the team focus on to improve how it deals with conflict?
• If you could wave a magic wand, what is one thing this group would do to effectively navigate conflict?

After viewing the recording, take time to discuss the information learned and ideas for implementation. Here are a few questions to get you started:

• What was something new that you heard or considered?
• How can you use this information to help your team be its best?
• What questions do you still have about identifying conflict?
• What is one thing that you will do after this discussion to manage conflict differently?

It's time! Welcome participants into the space and create a welcoming environment. If the group is not familiar with each other, do a round of introductions. Try using a fun question to help people learn more about each other.

For example, what was your favorite childhood toy or game?

Mindfulness technique — shifting our focus through the sense of touch.

Sometimes it is important to shift focus to allow our brains to catch up when dealing with conflict. Simple objects can help.

1. For the next 30 seconds, pick up and hold an object.
2. In your mind, list the adjectives you would use to describe it.

What was the most creative adjective you came up with?

The Thomas-Killman Conflict Inventory identifies five different modes or styles we use when dealing with conflict.
Each mode can serve us well at different times. After reviewing the five different modes, pause the recording and have a discussion. Use these questions to get started:

• Based on the descriptions shared of each style, what mode do you think you use most when dealing with
  conflict?
• How has your preferred mode helped or challenged you when dealing with conflict situations?
• What mode do you find most challenging when you are working with an individual or group in trying to resolve a conflict? Why?
• What mode would you like to try using more often when navigating conflict?
• What do you wish others would understand about your preferred mode when you are navigating a conflict together?

When we are aware that conflict is present, we need to begin the process of learning what needs to happen to resolve it. That can be a difficult conversation. It is important to:

• Be open to understanding the perspective of the other person involved.
• Have flexible goals.
• Practice good listening skills through active listening.
• Take time to practice self-care for yourself and encourage it with others involved.
• Be willing to compromise and brainstorm together to find new solutions.

After viewing the recording, take time to discuss the information learned and ideas for implementation. Here are a few questions to get you started:

• What was something new that you heard or considered?
• How can the steps offered for navigating a conflict conversation help change the tone?
• What is one way you can create space for healthy and effective conflict on your team?
• What is one thing you can do to better model positive ways for navigating conflict for others?
• What questions do you still have around taking action during conflict?
• What is one thing that you will do after this discussion to manage conflict differently?

It's time! Welcome participants into the space and create a welcoming environment. If the group is not familiar with each other, do a round of introductions. Try using a fun question to help people learn more about each other.

For example, what song can change any day from bad to good?

Mindfulness technique — Quick body scan

Ask participants to get comfortable in their seats and listen to your voice as you guide them through this scan.

• Focus on your feet and legs. Notice any tension.
• Tighten your muscles and feel them release.
• Notice your neck and shoulders.
• Pull your shoulders away from your ears and feel the space it creates.
• Next focus on your arms. Let them drop to your sides and allow your fingers to reach to the floor.
• Relax your face. Allow your brow to relax.
• Take in a deep breath, hold, and release.

Discuss: What are the physical responses you feel when dealing with conflict? Examples might be sweaty palms or fast heart beat. Ask people in the group to share.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize your own feelings and those of others, to motivate yourself, and to manage emotions when working with or in relationships with others.

When we begin to feel emotions in a conflict situation it is helpful to press pause and build awareness of that emotion and how it shows up. You can do this by assigning levels to the emotions that you are feeling. 

Activity: 

1. Show Plutchik's Wheel of Emotions from 6seconds.org.
2. Together experiment with the different combinations of emotions and how they may show up at different times of conflict.

When navigating conflict it is important to move from a position of me vs. them to finding your shared purpose. By doing this you are able to move out of an oppositional stance and build empathy.

Bonus tips for building empathy 

1. Resist the urge to fix the situation and instead just listen.
2. Ask more questions in the conversation to show your curiosity.
3. Build trust by acknowledging and verbalizing the emotions you see and hear from people in your conversations.
4. Build connections with those you work with before you are in a conflict situation.

Managing relationships during conflict is challenging. By using emotional intelligence, you can build mutually-beneficial relationships that support both parties. A key to doing this when dealing with conflict is to create micro-moments. These are short, but authentic, interactions that can happen in the hallway, through a chat, or many other ways.

Activity: In small groups, develop a list of ways that you can build authentic micro-moments into your day. Share one or two with the large group.

After viewing the recording, take time to discuss the information learned and ideas for implementation. Here are a few questions to get you started:

• What was something new that you heard or considered?
• What do you do well when navigating the emotions associated with conflict? What is most challenging for you?
• What strategies would you share with the group on managing emotions, either your own or others, when navigating conflict?
• What did you know about emotional intelligence before? What are you curious about after learning about emotional intelligence in this episode?
• What is one thing that you will do after this discussion to manage conflict differently?

It's time! Welcome participants into the space and create a welcoming environment. If the group is not familiar with each other, do a round of introductions. Try using a fun question to help people learn more about each other.

For example, what is something you enjoy about online meetings?

Mindfulness technique — Two word check in

Encourage participants to pause and reflect on their mood, state of mind, and general feelings of the moment. Ask participants to condense those reflections into two words. The words can go together or can be completely unrelated. Take time to go around the room and allow everyone to share.

Conflict occurs at approximately the same rate in online spaces as it does when we are in person. There are
different roots that need to be considered:

• Lack of transparency — fear that information is not being openly shared
• Lack of context — information is not being shared through consistent channels
• Lack of ground rules — people are unsure how to interact in virtual spaces

Discuss these questions after learning about the primary roots of online conflict:

• When you reflect on a conflict experienced in online or hybrid spaces, what root do you think has been at play?
• As a leader, have you taken steps to address any of the roots listed to avoid conflict before it may start?

Activity: Four common types of conflict are found in virtual spaces. After learning about the four types of virtual conflict, pause the recording for the following short activity:

1. Break into four groups and assign one type of conflict to each (passive-aggressive, ghost teammates, conflicting priorities, lack of information).
2. Ask each group to create a description for how this might look in your organization or team.
3. Develop one strategy they could use as a leader to address the conflict.
4. Ask each group to share with the larger group.

A bias is a shortcut our brains take to make decisions or process information.  Proximity bias is when we unknowingly place more value on the work, thoughts, or opinions of those who are working in the office with us.

Discuss: 

• How can you ensure that proximity bias is not a factor in your leadership and decision-making?
• What steps should you take to avoid proximity bias as a leader?

There are many steps that you can take to set your team up for success, long before you reach the point of conflict.

Activity

After viewing the strategies in this episode, break into small groups. Add to the list of strategies your ideas to strengthen your team's ability to navigate conflict before it happens. Take time for each group to share the ideas that they developed.

Encourage asking each other questions, especially if there is an idea that has been effective for a specific team.

After viewing the recording, take time to discuss the information learned and ideas for implementation.  Here are a few questions to get you started:

• What was something new that you heard or considered?
• How will you watch for conflict in virtual spaces now that you have this new information?
• What is one strategy that you heard about building a team before you experience a conflict that you want to implement?
• How will you build a healthy online space for dealing with conflict?
• What is one thing that you will do after this discussion to manage conflict differently?

It's time! Welcome participants into the space and create a welcoming environment. If the group is not familiar with each other, do a round of introductions. Try using a fun question to help people learn more about each other.

For example, what is one thing you buy that must be name brand or a specific brand?

Mindfulness technique — Box breathing

1. Breathe in, counting to four slowly.
2. Hold your breath for four seconds.
3. Slowly exhale through your mouth for four seconds.
4. Relax for four seconds.

Repeat this cycle three or more times to allow yourself to feel centered.

Before starting the recording, ask the group to reflect on how they assess trust in others.

1. Take a few moments to reflect on how you define trust and how you assess whether or not you have trust in others.
2. After allowing personal reflection, turn to a partner and discuss how you answered the questions.

After a brief conversation between partners, ask for thoughts to be shared with the larger group. Then begin the recording.

Once the assessments of trust have been presented, you may choose to pause the recording and ask for people to share how their thoughts or even experiences match or differ from the four assessments of sincerity, reliability, competence, and care.

Distrust is allowed to grow when we do not feel that we can be vulnerable with others AND we don't have a way to talk about it. 

Following the description of distrust and its impacts, pause the recording for discussion. Try using these questions to engage the group:

• What does distrust look like on your team or organization?
• How do you acknowledge distrust when you see or feel it within your team?
• What has been the most helpful tool for you in moving your team from a place of distrust to building trust?

To build trust within your team following conflict, you must think about commitment, consistency, and compassion.

After hearing the descriptions of each area, pause the recording and discuss how you can build trust. Try these questions to get the conversation started:

• Of the three ways you can build trust, which one do you believe is most important?
• What is one action you can take in each area to help your team?
• What is a challenge you must address as you build trust in these areas?

Building trust requires vulnerability. This can be a challenging thing all on its own. After learning about the framework, reflect with the group using the following questions:

• What part of the braving model seems the easiest to you? The most challenging?
• How do these different elements allow you to build trust through commitment, consistency, and compassion?
• Which element of the braving trust model matches your primary assessment of trust — sincerity, reliability, competence, or care?

After viewing the recording, take time to discuss the information learned and ideas for implementation. If you have viewed the entire series, take time to draw connections across all episodes. Here are a few questions to get you started:

• What was something new that you heard or considered?
• Do you believe that you can build trust through conflict? Why or why not?
• What can you do to create space for your team to build trust to help ward off conflict?
• What questions do you still have around taking action during conflict?
• What is one thing that you will do after this discussion to manage conflict differently?